her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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