Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize