Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the day after is always just damage control
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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