This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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