I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
