Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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