I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
