And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
