Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
