Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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