Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
