My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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