Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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