check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize