TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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