I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
