She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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