I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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