i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
