u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Its about making memories worth repressing
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to calm my uterus...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
