Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
