I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
