I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
