I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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