Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
