She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
