I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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