the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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