You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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