I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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