I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
