How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
