you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
