i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
