Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
why is half of my head shaved?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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