im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
