I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
