if i can run in heels then i can drive
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
