whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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