I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
