Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
