i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
