i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
