I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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