You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
