we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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