So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
