ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
