you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
