Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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