i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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