I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
