My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
