My sheets look like a crime scene.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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