Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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