some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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