im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
