Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
