Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
