Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize