I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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