the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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