I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
