Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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