He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
