i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
